Omg guys, celebrate with me!
I bought these (very cute!) cat pyjama pants as ‘goal pants’ to fit into once I lost some more weight.
So I thought I’d try them on to see how far I had to go before they’d fit (assuming they’d stop at my thighs at this stage)…and they were too big!
The size below these, or maybe even the next one down, would have actually been the right fit.
I know I (clearly!) still have some work to do on my distorted perception (BDD) – but despite this situation reminding me that I’m not seeing myself as I really am yet, it also got me thinking about how much I actually love my body and myself, regardless of real or perceived size or shape – or what the tag on my clothes says.
My main goal is to continue to work on becoming healthier everyday, and to keep increasing my level of fulfilment in body, mind and spirit.
Because once I first achieved that fulfilment, I became UNfuckingSTOPPABLE (which is why I’m now passionate AF to help others do the same!) because I’ve found that even if I still hit the occasional bump in the road, it doesn’t stop or derail me, or make me punish myself for it (in any area of my life, not just the weight loss journey).
My weight now comes off because of my new mindset, and my fierce determination to do this because I love myself.
Rather than being motivated by self-loathing, punishment and shame, which it was when I started this journey.
And I can guarantee you that the self-love option is far better and much more effective!
So I’ll still celebrate this win about my pants, because that’s important too.
But I do it knowing that my size doesn’t determine my worth. And it never did.
I can’t emphasise this message enough for those who need to hear it. Your size does not determine your worth.
Because this was one of the biggest hurdles for me to overcome, and it took me years to get there.
Somewhere deep down I must surely have known, logically, that size and worth weren’t related. But it didn’t matter because I truly believed that my size and weight were directly related to my worth.
So, I believed that as long as I wasn’t ‘skinny and perfect’ I had no real value, and I should allow people to treat me accordingly.
As I’ve been writing this, I’ve replayed so many memories in my mind.
Part of me feels a little sad, because I’m so secure and confident in who I am now that it is a bit sad to look back and see what I allowed myself to go through.
But mostly I just feel happy and blessed.
I know I can’t change what happened to me, and that I wouldn’t be who I am today without having been through it.
These days I’d respond so differently to each of those people and situations because I’ve learned to truly love, respect, and value myself. And because I won’t accept anything less from others.
Now I’m just filled with such gratitude to feel so happy and fulfilled all of the time, and I’m incredibly blessed that I get to help others feel the same joy and experience their own transformations.
And if every single piece of my past was necessary in order for me to transform into the person that I’ve become today, it was so fucking worth it.
Because now I’m unstoppable. And you deserve to be, too.
P.S. See the bonus real cat featured in the pic? So cute.
Stay fierce.
With love,
Ellie.