Last week I finally hit my next weight loss milestone. That last kilo had been a particularly stubborn one, but I’m noticing that much more these days – the plateaus appear to be more frequent.
I’ve now lost 70kgs/154lbs so far.
Since this is the first time I’ve blogged about hitting a milestone, I’ll explain some of the process and thoughts that occur each time I hit another milestone.
Firstly, when I hit a milestone, I know that I need to take some time to consider where I’ve been, how far I’ve come, and what’s next.
Sometimes there’s a lot of pride, and sometimes there’s a lot of shame. Sometimes it’s a mixture of both. That’s just how it goes. I don’t wallow in self-pity about the fact that the negative thoughts can be so much louder than the positive ones, because it just is what it is – and bit by bit I fight against them.
The negative thoughts typically come through quite quickly after, usually, a few tears of joy and some pride. The thoughts are often ones like: “wow, despite losing so much weight, I’m still so fat” or “I’ve ruined my body, I should have known better than to do this to myself in the first place” or “it’s my fault I got so fat, I really don’t deserve to celebrate”.
In the past, these thoughts would often leave me feeling pretty flat and sometimes would see the eating disorder start to gain some strength, but these days I just try my best to let the thoughts pass through, and then carry on with the rest of the day. It’s not always a successful strategy, but it’s still a strategy.
Then, on other days I can be really excited and happy, and my thoughts are all mostly positive, and it keeps me motivated to continue and push even harder.
Regardless of which way my thoughts go, I find the most important thing is to take time to remember what matters most about the weight loss: the fact that during this process of losing weight, I found myself again.
It sounds trite, I know – but it’s true, and it’s what matters the most.
Being fat never made me a bad person, but it was making me unhappy and unhealthy. So the weight loss is doing so much more for me than just reducing the number on the scales.
After letting the jumble of thoughts – good or bad – run through my head, I try to do something creative or constructive because I try to let both the good and bad thoughts act as motivation to keep me working towards my goals.
Because I’m determined to beat this.